Friends Like This

Actual (not satirical) conversation between a friend and myself. (This is the sprinkles part)

Me: You’re friends with Dave. You would tell me if you knew he wasn’t into me, right?
Friend: Yeah, of course
Me (but a more paranoid version): But maybe you wouldn’t because you wouldn’t come out and say ‘he just doesn’t like you.’
Friend: Well, I would say something like ‘He’s a loser. You’re too good for him’ and you would get the hint.
Me: But you do say he’s a loser.
Friend: Yeah, but I don’t say you’re too good for him.